Broken American Male

I have recently finished reading an excellent book entitled The Broken American Male by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. I think it is important to note the subtitle "And How to Fix Him." I always like to read Rabbi Shmuley's work. I find it enlightening, entertaining, and inspirational. He can get a little repetetive at times in his books, but overall they are excellent.



The reason I liked this book so much (and the reason it caught my attention) is because I have long felt broken. I have felt like a failure, I have been driven into depression, and the thought of suicide has even crossed my mind on more than one occasion. You may be asking "How can that be? With all the great blessings you have, what would take you down such a dark road?" I have asked myself that very question. It seemed absurd to me too. But I couldn't shake the broken, hopeless feelings no matter how I tried to count my blessings.



The biggest driver, in Shmuley's opinion, for this broken feeling among so many of American males is the soulless capitalism that engulfs our culture and society. There is intense pressure to become wealthy at any cost. Beyond that is the pressure to matter in society or to leave a big imprint on the world before you leave it. I can agree with that. He wants the reader to understand that he is not opposed to the great blessings and opportunities our capitalist economy affords us. To be enveloped in it to the extent "success" dictates, however, is ruining families and hence it is destroying individual men. There must be balance in our prosperity.



Theologically and doctrinally I don't agree with all of Shmuley's viewpoints. That can be easily ascribed to a fundamental difference in faiths. He is an orthodox Jew and I am a Latter-Day Saint. Yet I agree whole-heartedly with his premise and his solutions.



Without going into too much detail, the main solution he proposes is for each man to define for himself what success really is, and to not base his definition on the shifty ground of wealth and fame. After all, money can be easily lost, and fame, well, look at Michael Jackson. Men get intoxicated by their riches and their power and they often become delusional, which explains Stalin, Hitler, Mao, Pol Pot and many others. (It even explains Bill Clinton, but that is another story.) Many if not all of those who are deceived by their apparent "success" believed that they would be changing the world into a new model of their creation and that it would follow that model even after their death. Again, they were delusional.



The only way for a man broken by this faulty ideal to heal is to reject the faulty ideal and adopt one that has real substance. He needs to find a cause that will endure. He needs to have a family to love and that will love him. That must be his anchor to something with soul and with the capacity to heal.



My personal belief is centered in Jesus Christ and His ultimate healing power. Eventually everybody will come to know that he is the Son of God, the Savior of all mankind. Until then, and continuing thereafter, grounding ourselves in the family is our only hope. If we are careful to observe, the family is exactly what society mocks and derides. It knows that family will be its soulless power's demise.



The question is, what am I doing now that I have read the book? The information in the book was not new to me. Most of it agrees with the doctrine I have been taught my whole life. I have been praying for help out of my hopeless despondency for a long time. I think this book was, in part, an answer to my prayer. Even thought it didn't reveal anything to me, it sort of encouraged and inspired me to have more faith.



I need more faith to abandon society's definition of success and to adopt my own. I know most people would disagree with my definition of success, they would probably mock it too. They would say I am delusional and that I'm making something up to compensate for my weakness and inability to achieve "real success." That is exactly what Satan has been taunting me with since day one. To them I would say that my success is dependent on rejecting that notion. In other words, that "real success" is in reality completely irrelevant.

The reason? All ought to realize at some point in their life that the gifts of this world are ethereal and elusive. If a person bases their whole worth on success in terms of the world's gifts, he is just setting himself up for eventual heartbreak. Even the most rich and the most famous will eventually lose it all. Nobody in heaven is going to be impressed with things you amassed on earth. Jesus said, "Lay not up unto yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust doth corrupt," (notice he didn't say might corrupt) "but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven." Families, sealed together by the power of God's priesthood, are the only things that will endure death. They are your treasures in heaven.

It has been very liberating to redefine success, even after only a few weeks. It has allowed me to set priorities in my life that really matter and that I really care about. I hope my family feels more loved by me, because I certainly love and treasure them more. It has allowed me to feel more energized by life and not so downtrodden by setbacks. It has given me true perspective and a greater reverence for God and His Gifts. It has especially given me more gratitude for my Savior, Jesus Christ, and His love and sacrifice for me. Suddenly everything that was so dreary and dying, has vibrant color and is thriving. Let the world mock me for this. It won't change the way I feel about things.